Cyclocrossville!

I've been dreaming again.  Everytime I stop to get gas, which isn't often because I try not to drive too much, I can't help notice all the millions of dollars waiting to be won in the lottery.  I didn't even buy a ticket this time, I just was thinking of things to do with $180 million and I think I know.  I want to buy a town, or rather build a town from the ground up.  I think I would start by purchasing about 1000 acres of nice fertile rolling hills.  I would of course then commence to building me a house and a nice little frame building facility for both steel and carbon frames, as well as a handful of other small houses for any of the first partakers in Cyclocrossville.  Yep, thats the name of my new town.  Next, I would probably put in a little general store that carried the essentials for everyday living, your foods, cleaning supplies, hygien items, etc., just enough things to get you through until you had time to go into the closest big town to stock up.  Next project in line, Bikeshop.  Yeah, yeah, this is where the crossheads will start to take notice.  I'm gonna have a little 1500 square foot shop and I'm gonna stack/stock every cyclocross frame, wheel, tire, crank, bar, brake, bottom bracket, cable-hanger, third-eye, and any other cyclocross component that even thinks about coming out.  I'm gonna mimmick a little bike shop that I used to visit in Granada.  The name was Semar and it was a little two-story shop that was completely filled with every high-end road bike that was made.  They were literally piled on top of one another, hanging from the ceiling, windows, and anywhere else you could lay a bike.  There was only a 2 foot wide path from the front door to the sales counter and then around to the stairs that led up to a little room that was filled with every pro team jersey, bib-short, vest, hat, glove, jacket, shoe, and jock-strap available.  I could've lived in this place.  It would be like having your house on a gold mine.  "Ok Dimitri, thats a neat idea for a bike shop but how many people are gonna travel out to the middle of nowhereville just to visit a bike shop with everything that they can get on line?"  Did you even hear the name of the town I'm describing Ace?  Cyclocrossville.  One thousand acres of rolling hills.  This whole town is gonna be built around, not one, but many, variable and intermingling cyclocross tracks, and the races are gonna be abundant.  Ever read any of my old posts about racing MEECHcross?  Its gonna be here.  For Pete's sake, the eternal finish line is gonna be right on main street, and its gonna be right at the top of the tallest hill, which means the start is gonna be the largest downhill.  "What about cars getting in the way on main street?"  Dude, theres no cars in Cyclocrossville, everything is within walking/riding distance.  "Where are all the racers gonna park, huh?"  Theres gonna be a huge parking field on the outskirts of Cyclocrossville, you know kinda like DisneyWorld. "Come on kids, we're going to Cyclocrossville!"  Park your car and walk through the gates and you never have to leave if you don't want to.  I figure after the first Woodstock-sized cross event, with a $1,000,000.00 prize list, that handful of extra houses will be sold and businesses will start to want to open, you know, just a few.  We'll need a doctor and a dentist, a bank (I can't stuff $180 million in my mattress), a coffee shop/cafe, a restaurant with a couple of well paid chefs that can fix anything.  What else will we need? We'll probably need a pharmacy for all the dopers out there, but I'm just forewarning you, we're gonna bust you like a water balloon.  You'll get 50 licks with a wooden paddle at the start of every event in front of the whole town, with your bib-shorts down around your knees. Oh the humility. How about a Church?  I don't know where to start. The Cyclocrossville Church is gonna be a whole other blog entry.  All I can tell you is you're gonna hear a whole lotta cleats click-clacking across the sanctuary floor, and when we sing the hymns its gonna put that River Dance bunch to shame.  I imagine I'll bring in an occassional band, Cage The Elephant, GNR, Jack White, Black Crowes, etc.  Yep, the annual Cyclocrossville Series, the highest paying cyclocross race in the world.  The entry fee is a mere $1.  The start of the race is gonna be pure carnage so any lack of funds received in entry fees will definitely be made back by the Cyclocrossville Medical Facility.  Did I mention the nurses at this place?  You'll enjoy being hurt in Cyclocrossville.

"If you crash, don't worry.  We'll take care of you."

I figure we'll start with something like this...

...and this will do at the top of the hill, with a checkered-flag blow-up kite finish line across the street, twice the size of the Tour de France's.

This is a painting by William Lumpkins that I stumbled across while searching for pictures.  Let your imagination ride.

This is hands down the coolest cyclocross photo I have ever seen period.. Theres gonna be a lot of this going on.  You might even make the front page of the Cyclocrossville Times.

I think I may go back and buy that lottery ticket. Yep, when I win that $180 million, life is gonna get interesting.  I'm gonna buy a huge piece of land and when you turn into my driveway off the main road, you'll drive about 250 meters, and then your gonna see a huge million dollar mansion with fountains and marble side-walks and  beautiful shrubs and greenery all the way around it, with lamborghinis and ferraris parked out front, and that'll just be the chicken-house.  ;)